Introduction

Breakups gut you. And yet, most of us men are taught to get over it quickly, keep our heads down, and pretend nothing happened. So we numb — with alcohol, porn, scrolling, silence. We’re told this is strength. But it’s not. Real strength is feeling. Real strength is healing.

This article is about why numbing holds you back, how grief actually works, and what it looks like to truly start healing.

1. The Lies We’re Told About Grief

From a young age, men are fed a steady stream of shame around emotion:

• "Man up."

• "Crying is weak."

• "Just move on."

So instead of processing pain, we bury it. We laugh off heartbreak. We avoid the subject. We go silent. And all the while, the grief compounds.

But bottling it up doesn’t mean it goes away. It just means it turns inward. Into rage. Into anxiety. Into depression. Into numbness.

Grieving doesn’t make you weak. It makes you human.

2. The Numbing Trap (and What It Does to Your Body)

When we don’t know how to face pain, we numb. Instagram. Netflix. Porn. Weed. Alcohol. Constant noise. Dopamine hit after dopamine hit.

But here’s the truth: every time you distract yourself, you're trying to avoid feeling something hard. And what we avoid feeling doesn’t just disappear. It gets stored.

Repressed emotion doesn’t vanish. It lodges in your body. In your jaw. Your neck. Your gut. Your breath. Over time, it shows up as fatigue, gut issues, chronic pain, insomnia, even full-blown illness.

You were never meant to carry pain forever. Your body is crying out to process it.

Numbing is a short-term fix with long-term costs. You can scroll for hours and still feel hollow. Drink a six-pack and still feel alone. Climax and still ache. Because you never touched the root.

Grief demands your attention. If you don’t give it willingly, it will take it anyway.

3. What Grieving Actually Looks Like

Grief is not linear. It’s messy. One day you're fine. The next you're spiralling. But it’s also normal.

Real grief might look like:

• Sudden tears

• Rage at nothing in particular

• Tightness in the chest

• Exhaustion

• Numbness

None of these are signs you’re broken. They’re signs you’re healing.

Let yourself feel it. That’s the only way it moves.

4. You’re Not Broken — You’re Healing

When your relationship ended, your brain went into crisis. It lost its primary attachment. Your nervous system freaked out. Your hormones crashed.

You feel lost because your internal compass was tied to someone who is no longer there.

But that doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means your body and mind are recalibrating. It means you’re in the middle of healing.

Let it happen.

5. Start Feeling. Genuinely Feeling.

Healing starts when you stop running and start feeling.

That doesn’t mean falling apart or drowning in your emotions. It means giving yourself permission to actually feel them — fully, honestly, without shame.

Start by naming what you feel. Sadness? Anger? Fear? Guilt? Even if it’s a tangled mess, just start somewhere.

Then, notice where it shows up in your body. A tight chest? Knotted stomach? That lump in your throat you’ve been swallowing all week? It might be hard — especially if you’ve spent years pushing this stuff down — but just observe.

You don’t need to fix anything. You don’t need to act. Just be with it.

This sends your nervous system a powerful signal: You’re not in danger anymore. You’re safe enough to feel.

And here’s the hope:
If you can be present with your emotions in the dark times now,
you’re training yourself to stay present in the brighter times later —
especially when the better moments return.

Because they will return.

This is how you build emotional strength. This is how you heal — for real.

Closing

Real men grieve. Real men feel. You don’t have to perform. You don’t have to rush. You just have to take the next honest step.

And if you do that, day by day, you will not just survive this.

You’ll become someone stronger.

You don’t have to do this alone — and you don’t have to guess your way through it.
I wrote a free guide with the exact things I wish I’d known sooner. You can get it here.

Or if you want to jump straight to the 15-day course, it's here