"Why does it feel like something inside me just died?"

If you’ve asked yourself that question lately, you’re not alone—and you’re definitely not broken.

After a serious breakup, it can feel like your world has collapsed. Your thoughts spin. Your chest is tight. You can’t eat. Or sleep. Or stop checking your phone. It’s confusing, humiliating, and relentless.

But here’s what most people don’t tell you:

This isn’t just emotional pain. This is biological.

You’re Wired to Feel This

From an evolutionary standpoint, the pain you're feeling is exactly what your brain was designed to produce.

When we form deep attachments, especially in romantic relationships, we release powerful bonding chemicals—oxytocin, dopamine, and vasopressin. These chemicals reinforce closeness and connection. They reward us for staying close to our partner.

When that bond breaks, it’s not just emotional grief—it’s chemical withdrawal.

Your brain treats the loss like a threat to your survival. Thousands of years ago, losing a close bond meant real danger: abandonment, vulnerability, exile. Those primal systems haven’t caught up to modern life. So your nervous system sounds the alarm.

Heartbreak triggers:

• A crash in dopamine (motivation, pleasure)

• A drop in oxytocin (bonding, safety)

• A surge in cortisol (stress, anxiety)

• Identity disruption (Who am I without her?)

That tight feeling in your chest? The obsessive thoughts? The desperate urge to check her Instagram even though you promised you wouldn’t?

That’s your nervous system doing its job.

You're not weak. You're not crazy. You're human.

So What Do You Do Now?

Knowing why you feel this way helps—but it doesn't make the pain vanish. Here's what I recommend:

1. Remove Her From Your World

It’s brutal—but necessary.

Unfollow her. Mute her. Unfollow her friends.
If her stuff is still in your house, get it out. Now.

You can’t heal while you're re-opening the wound every few hours.

2. Take Small Actions

You don’t need a grand plan today.
You need to move your body, eat real food, see sunlight, and talk to someone who gets it.

Five minutes of walking. One breathwork session. A clean meal. That’s enough. Repeat it tomorrow.

3. Have a Plan for When You Want to Contact Her

Because you will want to.

Write out the reasons you’re not reaching out—and keep them close.
Tell a friend or coach what your pattern is.
Make it easy to not text her by having a go-to plan: journal, walk, call a mate.

Final Words

You’re not crazy. You’re not broken.

You’re going through something ancient, raw, and deeply human.
And while it feels like the end—it can become the beginning.

This pain is the invitation to become someone new.

I wrote a free guide called "7 Things I Wish I Knew Sooner After My Breakup" that dives deeper into the real science of heartbreak, what worked for me, and the steps you can take right now. You can download it here